Black Friday Levity!
Today, millions of people went out shopping for the bargains which stores invariably offer on the day after Thanksgiving. I now offer the pros and cons of Black Friday, for the amusement of my fellow retail workers.
Pro: Today is the biggest day of the year for sales, and the only day where people will line up outside the store for hours in order to hand you their money.
Con: The merchandise is sold at such a deep discount that when all is said and done you’ll be lucky to break even on the day.
Pro: On your way to work, you’ll probably drive past some other store that is going to do about a thousand times more business than your store will do. You’ll laugh cruelly at the employees of that store, knowing that as bad as you’re about to have it, they have it much worse.
Con: You work at Wal-Mart or Target. In which case NOBODY has it worse than you.
Pro: You get to leave work at 2PM!
Con: That’s because you started at 5AM!
Pro: Lovely ladies will be out in force looking to you for deals, and they’ll give you a big happy smile when you get them that item they’ve been looking for.
Con: Those lovely ladies have been up since 2AM after feasting on tryptophan-filled sleep-inducing turkey the night before and look like death warmed over.
Pro: Oh yeah? Well you store clerks look like crap, too.
Pro: People who wait in line in the cold for three hours are very happy when you get them what they’re looking for.
Con: People who come into the store six hours after the sale started curse you out when you tell them that the doorbusters were sold out five hours ago, because you should have known that they were going to sell out fast and ordered at least ten thousand of them to have on hand.
Pro: People understand that it’s Black Friday, so it’s very hectic and it’s best just to be patient.
Con: There is always one customer who doesn’t realize that it’s Black Friday, and who starts yelling about WHY IS THIS TAKING SO LONG because this isn’t a special day or anything, it’s definitely not the busiest shopping day of the year.
Pro: You will be amazed at how well you get to know your store’s inventory in one day.
Con: That’s because you will have to tell people about a thousand times that you’re all out of the doorbusters.
Pro: Black Friday brings a lot of new customers into your store who have never been there before.
Con: And you’ll see them again on Saturday as they return the doorbusters they bought on impulse but have absolutely no use for.
Pro: Black Friday eventually ends.
Con: Until next year!