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This Guy Is Nuts

September 29, 2010 at 3:08 pm Comments (0)

Wine Vending Machines

… and they say the public sector cannot innovate.

Swipe your driver’s license, look into the camera, blow into the breath sensor and — voila! — you have permission to buy a bottle of wine from a vending machine.

Pennsylvania, which has some of the most Byzantine liquor laws in the nation, recently introduced the country’s first wine “kiosks.” If the machines are successful in their test run inside two grocery stores, the state Liquor Control Board could place the high-tech alcohol automats in about 100 others.

But does anyone want to buy wine this way?

It seems the answer is yes. Customers using the machine at a Giant supermarket outside Harrisburg were thrilled that it could be a permanent fixture.

“This is just convenient one-stop shopping,” said Darby Golec, 28, of Enola. “It’ll be nice to have it all in one area.”

The vending machines are a testament to both the wonder of technology and the obscurity of Pennsylvania’s complicated liquor laws.

Or we could just join the 19th century and unstick these silly liquor laws. Buy it from whomever wants to sell it.

Outrageous, I know.

July 8, 2010 at 4:12 pm Comment (1)

New Downtown Pittsburgh Attraction: Play Tic-Tac-Toe With a Chicken

This letter says it all:

Rivers Casino’s newest promotion includes the opportunity to play tic-tac-toe with a chicken.

Like all gambling ads, the radio spot ends with the obligatory “If you have a gambling problem …”

Skippy, if you’re playing tic-tac-toe with a chicken, you have a gambling problem.

KEVIN G. BARKES
South Park

May 27, 2010 at 9:24 pm Comments (0)

Consumerist awards Comcast the Golden Poo

The Consumerist has determined that Philly-based Comcast is the worst company in America this year, and has awarded Comcast the “Golden Poo” award.

poopComcast

The Consumerist cites “horrendous service, exorbitant costs, throttled internet and plans to acquire NBC Universal”. I’m not sure what the NBC acquisition as to do with the price of tea in China, but the other stuff sure sounds bad.


April 28, 2010 at 12:45 pm Comments (0)

Man Arrested After Possum Mouth-To-Mouth

Funny, I didn’t know that was illegal.

Possums are prone to play dead, especially when threatened. Their eyes glaze over, their teeth are bared, and they secrete a rank stench from their glands.

But the possum lying along the Colonel Drake Highway on Thursday was doing none of that, troopers said. It was long-dead certified roadkill.

And Donald Wolfe was intent on bringing it back to life, troopers said.

Trooper Jamie Levier of the Punxsutawney barracks said witnesses saw Wolfe, 55, locking lips with the lifeless marsupial about 3 p.m. in a remote area about 80 miles northeast of Pittsburgh.

After receiving several calls, troopers arrested Wolfe along an isolated stretch of the highway and charged him with public drunkenness.

Levier says the Brookville man was “extremely intoxicated” and “did have his mouth in the area of the animal’s mouth, I guess.”

March 26, 2010 at 11:55 pm Comments (0)

Snow!

Woo!

This second storm will be nothing short of a monster. Even in light of the blizzards earlier this winter that targeted the southern mid-Atlantic, this may be the one that people remember the most this winter in parts of New England and the northern mid-Atlantic.

At its peak, the storm will deliver near hurricane-force wind gusts (74 mph) blinding snow falling at the rate of over an inch per hour. For some people in upstate New York and eastern and northern Pennsylvania, this may seem more like a “snow hurricane” rather than a blizzard.

Cities likely to be impacted by heavy snow for all or at least part of the storm include: New York City, Albany, Rochester, Syracuse, Binghamton, Scranton, Allentown, Reading, Williamsport and Burlington.

Better get your milk, eggs and bread while you still can guys.

February 24, 2010 at 12:58 am Comments (0)

Snowpocalyse

OMG… get your shovels and milk and bread and eggs ready.

February 5, 2010 at 1:08 pm Comment (1)

Kitty Piercer On Trial

The pictures certainly are cute.

A northeastern Pennsylvania woman is heading to trial on animal cruelty charges for marketing “gothic kittens” with ear and neck piercings over the Internet.

Thirty-five-year-old dog groomer Holly Crawford is scheduled for trial Tuesday in Wilkes-Barre.

Prosecutors say she inflicted pain on the cats to make money. Attorneys for Crawford say she didn’t act maliciously.

The rumors that Ms Crawford will be the backup quarter-back for the Philadelphia Eagles are unfounded.

February 2, 2010 at 3:14 pm Comments (0)

Letter (to the Editor) of the Year

There are no appropriate words for this letter in today’s P-G other than EPIC FAIL:

Pittsburgh put on a good show for the world, but let’s be honest with ourselves. A tree fell on my street Sunday morning, knocking out power. It took Duquesne Light 41/2 hours just to dispatch a tree crew, and hours beyond that to restore service.

Our infrastructure is in shambles. Monopolies rule, whether it’s the utilities or our various municipalities. World-class, indeed.

KEN HERZ
Squirrel Hill

HOLY COW, it took 4 1/2 hours (or was it 41/2 hours, that is, 20.5?) for them to send a crew to take care of a tree that knocked out power on YOUR street (nobody else’s)… on SUNDAY MORNING? How did you EVER survive??? Well that PROVES it – our nation is doomed – DOOMED!

I wonder if Ken would like Duquesne Light to pay for the psychiatric bill he almost certainly needed to help him deal with the mental anguish of being without electricity for a few hours on a Sunday. Come on… it’s not like the Steelers game was on in the morning.

Update

I have just printed out this letter and put it on the fridge. Seriously. It’s funnier than anything in the comics today!

September 30, 2009 at 11:08 pm Comments (0)

Re: Pennsy Math

Just in case we weren’t aware, WPVI Philadelphia informs us that:

Competitors ate 4-ounce burritos, filled with beef, beans and green chile – each weighing about a quarter of a pound.

In other news, there are now four quarts in a gallon and three feet in a yard.

September 19, 2009 at 3:19 pm Comments (0)

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